


Alluvion

by okapifeathers (giratinas)



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Humor, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2020-09-23 07:57:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20336749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giratinas/pseuds/okapifeathers
Summary: Misaki occupies a space in Kokoro’s life that nobody else in the world can. Irrevocably, they drift together.





	1. A Spark

**Author's Note:**

> a collection of linear oneshots, or a place to construct scenes that don't fit in any of my other stories.

There was something about holding Misaki’s hand that felt good and right. Kokoro couldn’t explain it to herself, why it felt that way or why she thought she had to attribute some kind of feeling towards it at all. 

The brush of someone else’s skin against hers, the warmth that trapped itself between their palms… it wasn’t really like anything else she could describe. It was also different from, say, the way she touched anyone else during a live. She’d hugged anyone and everyone she could get her hands on mid-song, swung Kanon around in a wild swing-dance backstage, thrown her arms around Hagumi’s shoulders as they sang together...

She was no stranger to the feeling. Misaki was just different.

After all, it was she who had taken Kokoro’s hand, and not the other way around. Somewhere deep inside herself, she knew it meant something.

  
\---

  
Kokoro was sat in the locker room, having gotten as far as putting her shoes on before noticing what kind of turn the weather had taken - the sound of raindrops splattering against the concrete had escaped her notice while she gathered all her things.

There was a very specific magnetization that came along with the graying clouds. Within her memories were dozens upon dozens of fun filled rainy days, splashing in puddles and watching the droplets run down the front of her balcony door. She could still feel the softness of the blanket she would pull from her bed when she was younger so she could curl up by the windows. That was a long time ago, and now the thundering booms of taiko drums echoed in her thoughts.

Naturally, she hadn’t brought any kind of umbrella with her. It wasn’t as if that would be a problem, considering her opinion on rain itself and getting wet in it. Most others, she knew, weren’t exactly inclined to think the same. The last of the other students were flowing around her, gingerly stepping outside with umbrellas poised to protect.

She could run out there now, spin in circles and catch the rain in her hair, and slide across the slick grass in her shiny black dress shoes. She could.

A feeling she had that came about every now and then left her with the notion that instead, she should continue sitting on the steps until something happened. There was something exciting about waiting for what would come next, no matter what it was. Anything could happen, and it was that drive to discover that fueled her curious subconscious.

She smiled to herself as another stray thought crossed her mind, reminding her of her routine. Of course she was still there for a reason, and not just a random feeling. It just took a bit of her mind wandering before she could focus on what she was meant to do.

Misaki - they were supposed to walk home together, as they did every day. How lucky was it that they lived so close together? Walking home was easily one of the best parts of Kokoro’s day, especially now that she and Misaki were in separate classes. They had to make up for all of those missing hours together somehow. And band practice, that didn’t really count. Sure she was  _ with _ Misaki, but she wasn’t  _ with _ Misaki. It made sense. There were different ways to be together with someone, and it was important to appreciate the distinction. 

“Kokoro?”

She hadn’t even heard the footsteps behind her. Kokoro turned her upper half around on the step to watch Misaki shuffle things about in her locker.

“Misaki!”

“Kokoro,” Misaki replied, occupied with cramming things into her backpack.

“It’s raining outside, did you see?”

Misaki’s nod was followed by the satisfying zip of her bag closing. She shut her locker and settled her gaze upon Kokoro, who was still twisted around.

“I did. You don’t have to wait for me, you know.”

“But I like to,” Kokoro explained, “you might not have as much fun walking home if I wasn’t there.”

Misaki paused at that, previously neutral expression drifting away with the arrival of a rare smile.

“I guess you’re right. It’s certainly more eventful.”

She walked towards the steps, stopping next to where Kokoro was sat. 

“It is!” Kokoro threw her arms up as she righted herself. Looking up at Misaki now, she admired the way her eyes matched the clouded skies just beyond the doorway. How lucky she was to share colours with such favourable weather.

Misaki patted her head. “You’ve forgotten your umbrella again.”

A roughened palm brushed her golden strands back and forth as she nodded. “Yep.”

Misaki let out the kind of sigh that Kokoro recognized as one of content. It was something she did when she wanted other people to think she was bothered by something, because she was the sort of person who was reluctant to admit that she was happy. Luckily for her, Kokoro was there to pay attention and translate her strange mannerisms. Misaki sure was weird. The good kind.

Kokoro stood up and brushed off her skirt, eyes hopping back and forth between Misaki and the pouring rain outside.

“We should probably get going before the going gets worse. You didn’t forget anything in your locker, did you?” Misaki pointed her umbrella in Kokoro’s direction, “I’m not walking you back if you did.”

“No, I’m ready to go. Do you think we’ll find any good puddles on the way?”

They walked down the steps together, school bags slung over opposite shoulders.

“Maybe. If we do, I’ll just watch. I brought this to stay dry,” she extended her umbrella and unfolded it under the concrete awning. 

Bag on her shoulder and umbrella in one hand, she wordlessly took Kokoro’s hand in the other.

Together they stepped out into the rain, pulling each other closer to keep their shoulders from getting wet. Or at least Misaki was, Kokoro was still indifferent. 

“This is a lot harder than I expected,” Misaki observed.

“What is?” 

Misaki’s words had hardly processed in her mind. She was too occupied with the sensation of their fingers, tightly twined together and growing slowly warmer. Misaki was so comfortable. 

“Carrying all of this, and keeping us both out of the rain,” Misaki awkwardly tried to hold the umbrella between them with her right hand, left one currently locked within Kokoro’s grasp. “It would make more sense if I swapped hands.”

They plodded onward, out the school gates and onto the sidewalk. The ground was slick, and tiny rivers flowed along just below the curb searching out drains. Above them, the icy grey stretched on forever.

Kokoro looked down, toward their clasped hands. 

“That’s no good though. We couldn’t hold hands?”

Seriously, what was Misaki thinking? Hardly anything could be better than this. It was worth a little harmless water.

“We don’t have to hold hands everywhere we go.”

The words belonged to Misaki, but she didn’t exactly sound convinced. Not to Kokoro, anyway.

“You don’t want to?”

They rounded a corner and Misaki dodged a rogue tidal wave from an oncoming car. The umbrella flicked around precariously, dumping a miniature waterfall between them.

“I don’t  _ not  _ want to. I just mean, it’s kind of awkward right now with the umbrella.”

Kokoro decided she should perhaps point out the obvious. “Then why don’t you put the umbrella away?”

Misaki stopped walking, her gaze swapping from the road ahead to her companion. She had a moment, then shook her head. 

“Right, you would say that.”

Kokoro smiled at her. “Are you afraid of the water?”

“Of course I’m not.”

“Right, it’s like a shower except outside. It’s exactly the same!”   
  
Misaki rolled her eyes. “It’s definitely not the same thing.”

“Can I go to your house?” Kokoro asked her, figuring now was a good a time as any. 

The way Misaki looked at her was different from the way other people did. It was something Kokoro had noticed, in the two years they’d known each other. It was hard to spot at first, but she had grown accustomed to searching for Misaki’s absolute best qualities, and digging through her confusingly subdued personality. Once she learned what to look for, there was no mistaking it.

That little spark, hidden behind a slowly weakening front. It was always there, it just needed a little bit of coaxing to come out. Misaki was a very courageous person.

Kokoro continued grinning as Misaki chuckled under her breath. Without a word, she swept the umbrella to the side and closed it one handed, looping it haphazardly around her bag handle.

She squeezed Kokoro’s hand in hers, pulling her along.

It was a wonderful day to be with Misaki.

\---

If anyone were to ask Misaki when exactly it was that Kokoro became another part of her routine, she likely wouldn’t be able to come up with a real answer. ‘Routine’ didn’t seem like it was the right word, either. Existence maybe? 

Somewhere along the line, Kokoro came to exist next to her and she definitely had no say in the matter. It was as if Kokoro was simply orbiting her, never straying too far away and always within reach. Her plans became  _ their _ plans, because it was no use to deny her.

At least that was what Misaki told herself. There were reasons she vocalized where she was going or what she was doing while Kokoro was in the general vicinity. It meant she didn’t have to admit anything.

Like, maybe that she enjoyed having Kokoro around, or something absurd like that.

Every Saturday she took Kokoro out for ice cream. Rain or shine, it didn’t seem to matter. It had started out as an accidental invitation and blossomed into everyone’s favourite ray of sunshine materializing at her door on the weekends, wondering whether Misaki was free and if they could go for a walk together again.

At first she used to shove aside her responsibilities to accommodate the request, but by now she’d long learned to clear her schedule. It became enjoyable to her, that she could take Kokoro somewhere and treat her to something with her meager savings. A hot fudge sundae wasn’t all that extravagant, and it certainly wasn’t a quick spin on a cruise ship; it was something Misaki could do that was just for Kokoro, and that was more than satisfying.

When Kokoro knocked on her door, Misaki was already waiting there with her bag slung around her shoulder and itchy palms.

The doorbell blared in her ears like a warning. Kokoro was never satisfied with ringing it once.

“Yes yes, I’m here,” Misaki pulled the door open. 

Kokoro was beaming as usual, clad in her summer-wear and undoubtedly without the wallet she always left at home.

“It’s ice cream day! What flavour are you getting?”

Misaki turned around to lock her door. “We haven’t even left the house. Do you decide before you even get here?”

“Of course! I think about it all night. What if I mix two flavours together?”

“Then you mix two flavours together I guess.”

She faced Kokoro and briefly clenched her fist, the itch more prominent now. It was easier now than it was before, to reach out for her.

She took Kokoro’s hand in hers, entwining their fingers. Together they walked.

It was a nice day today, in contrast to the long stretch of rain that mostly kept Misaki indoors. Kokoro was an avid fan of protesting that particular move, though it did little to sway Misaki’s decisions. Rainy days were perfect for staying inside and writing music, where it was warm and dry.

This evening, the sun was out in full force. Misaki pulled her hat a little lower to block out the rays and she and Kokoro conversed about nonsense, generally things that had little to do with the band or anything else that came close to something they could call work. 

It was nice to walk together without all of that baggage (that Misaki undoubtedly loved no matter how much sleep she lost over it) and talk about themselves. Kokoro’s hand was also very soft, so that was a plus.

Last night, Misaki learned, Kokoro had dreamt about having a concert under the sea. The night before, she’d wandered about in a lush rainforest, teeming with the kinds of wildlife Kokoro enjoyed seeing most rather than what would actually live there. Bears of all kinds, mainly. Some rabbits, and a unicorn or two. Misaki herself hardly remembered her dreams, happy enough to listen to Kokoro ramble on. 

This sort of conversation was useful. There was benefit in encouraging Kokoro’s wild imagination, to a degree. Of course, it also left Kokoro smiling, which was extremely contagious.

All too soon, they found what they were looking for. It felt like the walk there was getting shorter and shorter each time.

Misaki floundered with her wallet as Kokoro dragged her through the door, eager to press her cheeks against the glass case and no doubt spend a healthy amount of time deliberating over what to get.

“Gimme a sec, I’m gonna drop all my change.”

“Misaki, look! They have a new flavour!”

Misaki eyed the tub of pineapple flavoured sweetness, doing her best to sort through her coins one-handed. 

“Yes, yes, I see it. Do you-” she cut herself off, spotting Moca staring at them out of the corner of her eye. She was holding two cones, one in each hand.

“Isn’t this a nice surprise,” she droned. “Moca-chan was just thinking about how it would be nice to run into some friends on this fine summer day.”

Kokoro peeled her face from the glass. 

“Moca! What do you have there?”

From there the conversation devolved into food talk, while Misaki did her best to pretend Moca wasn’t glancing at her hand, which was still clasped tightly in Kokoro’s. She wasn’t embarrassed or anything, they’d long since crossed that river. If anything it made her self conscious. She felt as though the gesture was supposed to be private, despite the publicity.

Maybe selfishness wanted to keep moments like this one away from anyone else, even though it happened every week. She couldn’t explain it, and so she avoided it, doing her best to pay Moca no mind. 

Eventually she did leave, and Kokoro picked out her ice cream. They sat together on the porch outside, while Misaki wondered to herself why this time, the air around them felt different.

As she did with most of her private concerns, she tucked it away for later and enjoyed the company she had.

-

Misaki was sat in the classroom not but a few days later, minding her own business when Arisa sat down across from her at lunch.

Not an uncommon occurrence, but today it seemed she had something important to say.

“Why do you guys hold hands everywhere you go?”

“Hm?” Misaki blinked at her, pausing the process of prying open her bento.

“You know, you and dummy number one,” Arisa sat herself down and pulled out her own lunch.

“How do you decide which numbers they are? Is Kaoru two or three?”

Arisa sipped her water. “Careful deliberation. Are you avoiding the question?”

Misaki shrugged. “It’s not everywhere.”

“It pretty much is. You walk past my house like every day,” Arisa pointed a chopstick at her. “Are you sure there’s no hidden agenda here?”

“Misaki!”

The two girls turned their heads towards Kokoro, who’d popped her head in the door. Just another part of the natural order. Arisa eyed Misaki strangely as Kokoro made her way over and sat down next to the topic of the conversation. 

“It’s just nice,” Misaki replied at last, before turning her attention to the newest arrival. 

Arisa looked between them and shook her head with a smile. 

How peculiar they were.


	2. Cornerstone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokoro steals Misaki's clothing. Misaki wants to know why.

One by one, Misaki’s hoodies were vanishing from her closet. 

It wasn’t as if she didn’t know where they were going, but they may as well have been disappearing into the ether. She had quite a few, originally, a mix of second-hand finds and gifts from friends and family alike. There was that one Moca gave her for her birthday, and the knitted one she got from Lisa with Michelle’s face on it, and the one with the short sleeves she liked to wear in the summer.

She ought to stop taking them out of the house. When would her other clothing begin following in the stead of the hoodies? She was running out of pants that actually still fit her properly and she already lost at least one sock a week on laundry day. She had come to accept long ago that her hats were all shared property.

Misaki was sat on the floor at her table, hidden away in her room for the night. She was checking her laptop, eyeing an open chat she shared with Arisa and Sayo, but mostly Arisa.

misaki: do either of you want to go clothes shopping anytime soon   
  
nobonsainolife: with what money

misaki: you don’t have to buy anything

Arisa didn’t reply immediately, so Misaki turned her attention back to the music sheets she was filling in. Kanon’s parts were relatively braindead mode when it came to writing, so she could afford to multitask at the moment. She could just go by herself, it wasn’t as if she was allergic to being alone. But also, people did things with their friends sometimes.

A notification flashed across the screen.

nobonsainolife: you could always just take back the clothes you already own

Misaki huffed. that was the most obvious solution to her conundrum. The notion had crossed her mind hundreds of times, that she could just fetch her belongings and return them to the slowly emptying closet where they belonged. She could claim ownership of her hats, and declare her closet off limits, permit required for entry. It wouldn’t solve the sock problem, but then again nothing could.

As always, she wondered why she couldn’t bring herself to follow through with that plan. Nothing she could think of explained her reluctance. 

misaki: i don’t know what you mean

nobonsainolife: is your frontal lobe missing

misaki: what kind of comeback is that? 2/10 at best

nobonsainolife: would you prefer i call you an idiot outright

misaki: yes

She changed her status to offline and stretched her arms out over her head. Her back cracked as she returned to her usual slouch. She should probably pick up some kind of back support cushion at some point, her shitty little floor pillow wasn’t cutting it anymore. She could have a look whenever she found her way to the mall, by herself, without Arisa.

Simply take her clothes back? Absurd. There was no rush, since they weren’t going anywhere else.

She saw them almost every day, in fact, so it really wasn’t worth the trouble to worry about it. 

\---

Kokoro looked kind of cute in a hoodie. 

That was the first thing that crossed Misaki’s mind every time, whether or not she wanted it to. Her tiny little sleep deprived brain could be likened to a broken record player at this point. 

Today they were attending one of Hagumi’s softball games, something Misaki rarely had the time for but followed through with as often as her schedule would allow. The sun was high, a bright white reflecting off the clouds above the grassy field. A little too hot for anything with sleeves, but better than sun-burnt arms. The annual tans she had to deal with during tennis season were embarrassing enough.

On her right, Kokoro was clad in the aforementioned hoodie, a soft orange zip-up that had once been a Christmas gift to Misaki. A family effort to convince her that brighter colours weren’t against the rules, back when her wardrobe was primarily various shades of grey.

Together they sat in the stands, surrounded by peers from school and a gaggle of softball parents, the two of them cheering mostly for Hagumi because they didn’t know anyone else. Or rather it was Kokoro doing all of the cheering, enough for both of them, while Misaki chose to use her presence alone as her chosen method of support. Hagumi understood and appreciated that gesture.

Just then, someone whacked a ball with a satisfying thunk, and Kokoro leapt to her feet. She wasn’t all that out of place here, because nearly everyone else was doing the same thing - waving around wildly, yelling, making a spectacle of everything - all things she liked to do every day. It looked like it was a real workout.

“Aren’t you hot?” Misaki asked her as she sat back down.

“Hm?” Kokoro’s attention flicked from the game to Misaki in an instant. It was a little scary sometimes, how quickly she did those sorts of things.

“In that,” she gestured to the long sleeves, “it’s pretty warm out.”

Kokoro gave her a curious look. “But aren’t you wearing the same thing?”

She  _ was _ , obviously. It was right there on her body and everything. 

“I wear this all the time,” she decided, as if that made her question make any sense. 

“You do. I wonder why that is?” Kokoro smiled and tilted her head, as she usually did when she was curious about something. It wasn’t really a thing they ever talked about - the ‘why’ - , especially since they became… well, Misaki wasn’t sure what would happen if they talked about it now. 

She fiddled with the brim of her hat, which did little to protect her from the heat. At least that one was hers today.

“It’s just what I wear. What’s your excuse?”   
  
A half-baked reply. Out on the field, someone slid across the grass, tagged out at second as the crowd erupted around them. Misaki watched Kokoro’s focus waver a little, her eyes traveling in the direction of the next girl up to bat, then back to Misaki in a split second. Then back to the field, but not at anything specific. It seemed random, whatever it was that would catch her attention. What Misaki asked her was not always heard.

Misaki had become used to this as she learned how Kokoro functioned. The correct response to being glossed over, she now knew, was a little nudge in the right direction. Affirmation over confrontation.

Her hand slid across the seat, her fingers finding Kokoro’s. The touch pulled her back in.

“Hm?”

Misaki’s hand traveled across Kokoro’s, to her wrist, and pulled lightly on her sleeve.

“What’s your excuse for wearing this?”

Kokoro shrugged. “Do I need to have one?”

Misaki shrugged back at her, and let Kokoro lace their fingers together. “I just wondered if it was too warm for you.”

Kokoro gave her a brilliant grin. “I’m fine! Thanks, Misaki.”

For a while they both turned their attention back to the game, and Misaki did a quick count to figure out when Hagumi would be up to bat. She had a mean pitch but swung a meaner bat, and she was cool enough in her element that even Misaki took interest in a game she otherwise didn’t care for at all, for those moments she could watch her friend steal the show.

They had a ways to go yet.

“I suppose you do it because it makes you happy,” she found herself telling Kokoro. “Isn’t that usually your reason?”

Kokoro was still smiling, still watching the field intently. “It does make me happy! That’s as good a reason as any.”

Misaki wiped her free hand on her pants and internally cursed at not being able to wipe the one Kokoro was holding. She had sweaty palms to begin with, she didn’t need the assistance of the giant fireball in the sky for that.

“I just wonder why, I guess.”

_ I wonder why wearing  _ my  _ things makes you happy _ , is what she thought inside her head, while her mouth caught her tongue for her. There was something here that she wasn’t sure about yet. It was important to Kokoro, in some unknown way, and she would have to decipher it from her perspective.

Kokoro leaned towards her suddenly, their shoulders bumping together. Their hands became wedged between them, and their hair tangled as Kokoro leaned her head against Misaki’s. 

“I wonder why too,” Kokoro told her quietly.

With nothing left to say, Misaki could only nod.

\---

nobonsainolife: did you even finish yesterday’s homework

misaki: maybe   
  
nobonsainolife: i know your routine

misaki: everything in moderation

For the last couple weeks, Misaki had felt herself drifting. Not away or towards anything, just in general. Surges of productivity came and went, and with that her motivation to do her obligations. Sometimes she only had enough energy for one task, and typically band related work won out over anything to do with school.

Arisa liked to tease her about it. Sometimes she even made hermit jokes, a good sign that she was over that period in her life when going to school was like going straight to hell.

Misaki appreciated the concern. She was hopping back and forth between her laptop and her sheet music, preparing for another long night of composition and coffee.

nobonsainolife: i saw you sleeping in class the other day. do you want my notes

misaki: whats the catch

Misaki was joking, and she didn’t really need the notes. The banter just kept her entertained. 

nobonsainolife: tell me whats up with you and your crazy blonde sidekick

She blinked at her laptop screen. 

misaki: whats up with you and your weird questions

nobonsainolife: its not weird. i have two eyes

misaki: i’m not sure what youre assuming

nobonsainolife: nevermind. i forgot i’m just as awkward as you are about confrontation

misaki: thanks

She wasn’t entirely sure what Arisa was getting at, but her mentioning of Kokoro got the gears in her head turning. It was easy to just kind of space out, even while she was talking to someone else, but now she was thinking about what Kokoro was up to. It was one in the morning, so probably sleeping.

After a good stretch, she decided on giving up for the night and closed her laptop. Her desk was a mess, stacks of notes and countless discarded tunes that she kept around anyway, but that was a problem for future Misaki to deal with. She didn’t have much in her room to begin with, so it never really looked untidy.

She stood and changed into her pyjamas, brushed her teeth and lamented not being tired enough to sleep. There was a constant tiredness of course, always present no matter how many hours she got, just not the kind that let her fall asleep when she had to be awake in five hours.

And so she lay on her side across the top of her futon, head propped up with one hand and the other fiddling with her phone. She wasn’t looking at the internet trying to distract herself or anything, just at Kokoro’s name in her contact list. She should be sleeping.

Misaki typed up a text anyway so Kokoro could read it in the morning. Nothing too serious, just an update on the song she was writing.

She sent it off and then flicked off the lamp next to her bed. It was time to lie alone in the dark for an hour, willing her brain to turn off at a reasonable time for once. Instead, her phone vibrated with a completely unexpected reply.

Kokoro: misaki! how come you’re still awake???

Misaki: i’m always up now. how come you’re still awake?

Kokoro: no idea! how do you fall asleep when you can’t? you always know what to do so i’m happy you’re awake too

With the amount of energy Kokoro exerted every day, it seemed ludicrous that she wouldn’t immediately pass out upon hitting her luxurious bed. Any time Misaki spent the night, it looked like that was what happened.

Misaki: insomnia. when i get stressed or worried

Neither of those things had ever happened to Kokoro more than once, as far as Misaki knew. 

Kokoro: i don’t think it’s that. It’s like when i have a stomach ache except different

Misaki rolled onto her back and began typing two-handed. That was the kind of thing Kokoro said when she was feeling something she didn’t want to. Her fingers flew across the keys with urgency, a natural instinct to help Kokoro overcoming her. 

Kokoro  _ did _ need her. 

Misaki: whats different about it? has anything happened lately?

Kokoro: no. it’s like this sometimes and usually i just wait for it to go away. how’s the song going? i’m really excited!!!!

Misaki: i would rather figure out why you cant sleep than talk about the song

Kokoro: but i dont want to talk about that now

Misaki breathed out her nose. Frustrating as it usually was, dealing with emotions was something she knew she had to help Kokoro do. For the good of herself, and everyone else. And it hurt, the times when she knew Kokoro was struggling but couldn’t understand why. 

Misaki: i think we should, so you can get some rest. have you been thinking about something a lot?

Kokoro: no. hey do you think kaoru will let me play her guitar????

It seemed there wouldn’t be any answers tonight. Deconstructing Kokoro was a delicate process. She wasn’t quite sure how to keep going after that.

Kokoro: talking to you makes me feel better already! do you think maybe i just miss you? i feel like i lost something but i can’t think of anything that’s missing. hmmmmm

Misaki’s cheeks heated up. They did spend a lot of time together, and Kokoro wasn’t keen on separating from her friends at the end of the day. She was likely just restless.

Misaki ignored the tingling feeling in her arms, and typed a reply.

Misaki: is there anything else that helps you feel better when you have to sleep?

Kokoro: oh yeah, i almost forgot!

Rubbing at her eyes, Misaki awaited a follow-up for a few minutes, and then began to doubt she was going to get one as the seconds ticked by. Maybe Kokoro had finally fallen asleep, doing whatever it was that made her feel okay again. Something about their short conversation had Misaki feeling like she could also just pass out now, if she really wanted to. Everything else rattling around in her mind had quietly slipped away while she occupied herself with someone else.

It would be nice to feel this ready to sleep every single night. Only in her dreams, she supposed.

Just as she set her phone down, it vibrated.

She picked it back up and hastily swiped her screen when she saw Kokoro’s name, eyes wide at the thumbnail that flashed past on her home screen.

It was a crooked selfie with horrible lighting of Kokoro sitting in the dark, clad in her pyjamas and a very recognizable sweater. ‘FUNNY’, it read, right across the front in big red letters. Misaki sucked in a breath as her heart leapt into her throat. Very funny indeed.

Misaki: isn’t that mine

It was all she could think to say.

Kokoro: i like to sleep in them all the time!!

Misaki: why’s that

The screen was so close to her face, so bright. She kept swiping back and forth between the photo and the texts. She wasn’t under her blankets, but her palms were warm. Her phone slipped from her hands and hit her in the forehead.

Groaning, she put herself back together and hastily read Kokoro’s response.

Kokoro: it smells like you, so it’s like you’re here. its wonderful!

Jeeze, did Kokoro even know what she was saying? Misaki swore she was sweating. Nobody was around, but she gently placed her phone beside herself and covered her face with her pillow anyway. What did she even smell like? She wasn’t even aware she had a noticeable scent of any kind, much less that it put Kokoro to sleep at night.

Her phone continued vibrating, so she ripped the pillow away, took in a deep breath, and ventured forward.

Kokoro: misaki?

Misaki: i’m glad that it helps. i was just surprised 

Kokoro: when we’re together i don’t have to worry about anything. sometimes i just have to imagine we are, and then my stomach ache goes away

Misaki: it makes me really happy to hear that

It made her feel other things too, things she didn’t often think about. In a roundabout way, it was comforting to know that Kokoro was… comforted by an old sweater. Maybe that was why she kept stealing her clothes (was it really stealing if Misaki willingly gave them away?), because she felt like she needed them.

It  _ was _ the closest thing to the real deal after all.

Kokoro: i think i’m ready for bed now! are you sleepy yet?

Misaki smiled to herself. The warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach was sure to lull her into a deep sleep, for the few hours she had left.

Misaki: yeah, i’m good. hope you sleep well

Kokoro: good night!!!

Her aching eyes were going to get the better of her. Misaki set her phone down and at last drew her blankets aside, sliding under the covers and wrapping herself up. Just as she’d settled, her phone went off  _ again _ . It was close to two in the morning, and they would both need to get up soon…

She reached a hand out of her cocoon and picked up her phone.

Kokoro: i wish you could be here. that would be so much better

Misaki could hardly stop herself now.

Misaki: i can sleep over on the weekend

It had been a considerable while since she’d last slept over, and usually everyone else was there too. It would be nice to spend time with only Kokoro instead, as if she didn’t spend a majority of her free time with her already. It kept her out of trouble. Maybe it was fun, but only sometimes. Definitely sometimes.

Kokoro needed her, and so she would be there.

\---

The next time Misaki saw Kokoro was the following day after school, when she was wearing a well-loved dark blue zip-up hoodie over the top of her uniform. The colour clashed a little with her hair.

Chisato was standing at the front doors with her, attempting to explain what did and didn’t go well with bright blonde and vivid gold. Her intentions were kind, but Kokoro was staring right through her, listening with clear disinterest. It was rare she ever spoke with Chisato to begin with.

“It’s better to go with something lighter, you understand? We don’t have an easy style to work with.”

Upon closer inspection, Misaki noticed Kanon hovering next to them, which explained why Chisato was even attempting to communicate at all.

Kokoro regarded her with curiosity, not having noticed Misaki behind her.

“Do you really have to think about it so hard?”

“You should probably consider it a little,” Chisato told her, with a calculated measure of emotion. Kanon just looked nervous.

“If that’s what makes you happy! I think it’s wonderful that it’s something you enjoy thinking about.”

Misaki stepped in. “You can just tell her you’re not interested. Darker colours are more my thing anyway,” she pulled at the dark sleeve.

“It’s a nice jacket,” Chisato continued, straining. Misaki would have to talk to Kanon about this challenging affair later on. “Where did you get it?”

Kokoro grinned as her gaze flittered to the hand on her sleeve. She took it in her own and laced their fingers together, and Misaki complied. 

“Misaki’s closet!”

There was little she could say to that, because it was true. If she concentrated hard enough, maybe she could avoid blushing or saying something incriminating, she felt as though this thing she had with Kokoro should be kept private until she sorted out what it meant. Unfortunately, anyone could ask about it and she would have to come up with something to say. She wasn’t blushing, or at least she didn’t feel like she was.

“Interesting,” Chisato observed. Next to her, Kanon gave Misaki a soft smile of sympathy. Then she covered her mouth to very clearly hide a laugh.

“We should probably get going,” Kanon said to Chisato, “we’re supposed to meet with Aya-chan soon.”

The breath Misaki had been holding escaped, while Kokoro looked on as if nothing was amiss. Luckily, she was content to stand there holding hands and waving good-bye while Misaki stewed in her frazzled emotions. Once they were gone, it was a lot easier to tell Kokoro what she should and shouldn’t be doing.

“You can’t just say that sort of thing,” Misaki told her as she pulled her out of the doors into the now empty schoolyard, “it’ll get people thinking.”

Kokoro squeezed her hand, following along on their familiar path home.

“You spend so much time worrying about what other people think, Misaki, but you worry about the strangest things.”

“I worry about normal things,” she adjusted the bag on her shoulder, “things anyone would worry about.”

Kokoro continued on, unphased. “Well, what’s normal to you isn’t what’s normal to everyone else. You should let normal be happiness! Normal should be what you like to do.”

“I understand what you’re saying, I just have trouble when it’s more than you and me. Do you get what  _ I’m _ saying?”

Misaki wasn’t even sure she understood it herself. That was just the best way she could put it. Abnormal could be normal when it was just Kokoro, or with the rest of the band, but around everyone else she still wasn’t sure what to make of it.

She spent so long unraveling the way Kokoro lived her life, and despite that she still struggled. She wasn’t quite ready to do  _ anything _ she wanted yet, uncaring of what anyone else thought of her.

“I kind of do, but also…” Kokoro paused a bit, a rare sign that she was thinking about what to say before saying it. That was something new that Misaki had carefully instilled in her, in an attempt to quell accidentally offensive outbursts. 

“But also,” she continued, “I think that maybe it’s like when I thought it wasn’t fair to our friends when I started doing everything with you a lot. I don’t hold Hagumi’s hand very often, so I thought I might be making her sad.”

Misaki nodded, not even sure if Kokoro was watching her. 

They rounded a corner, walking together onto the uphill sidewalk that lead to the Tsurumaki residence.

“And I don’t go to get ice cream with Kanon every weekend, and even when I go to see Kaoru’s plays, I bring you. So I wondered if I was wrong when I wanted to do all these things with you and not anyone else.”

She knew she was probably blushing now, but Misaki kept her focus on the sidewalk. One foot in front of the other. She never really was good at all of this emotional stuff. Praise was strange, not something she felt she was allowed to attribute to herself, and knowing someone was going out of their way to spend time with her, well…

“But I know I wasn’t wrong now!” Kokoro threw her hands in the air, dragging Misaki’s arm along with her. 

“Hey!” Misaki yelped as she was jerked forward.

Kokoro let go of her hand and turned around to face Misaki, hands on her hips and a broad grin on her face. She looked at Misaki as if she were looking at a child she was about to explain some foreign concept to.

“It makes my friends happy to know that  _ I’m _ happy, doing things I love with people I love! So I know that I shouldn’t worry, because your friends always want what’s best for you. I think that if you knew that too, then you wouldn’t feel bad about doing what you like.”

Misaki just sort of stared at her, mouth slack, because once again Kokoro had done nothing more than tell her what she already knew, but in a way that somehow made it seem more… real. Like it wasn’t just a thought she had, but an action she could take.

She made a mental note to at least try,.

“Thanks, I think,” she told Kokoro as they came to a stop in front of the Tsurumakis’s ornate gate.

Well, barely a stop, because Kokoro kept walking and they were still connected at the palms so Misaki just kind of went with her. There wasn’t really anything pressing she needed to do today, but she had meant to go home first to grab pyjamas, her laptop, and all those other things she liked to bring when she was going to sleep somewhere else. She intended to make good on her declaration to stay overnight. It was something she  _ wanted _ to do. To be there for Kokoro.

\---

They spent a while doing nothing productive until Misaki decided it was time to work on the song she’d been putting off for about as long as she could. Now was as good a time as any, even though the hoodie thing was back to being a distraction.

That’s what she was calling it now, the “hoodie thing”, because she had to give it a label so she could think about it properly. It was more than her hoodies, it was just the first thing she thought to name it. She just wanted to know why it mattered so much to Kokoro to begin with. There was no reason Misaki could think of beyond what Kokoro had already told her - that it made her feel like Misaki was there with her when she was troubled. There had to be more, though. She heard it in Kokoro’s voice.

Why Misaki? What was it about her that made Kokoro gravitate in her direction? She just did what anyone else could do, she was nothing remarkable. All things she wondered as she listened to Kokoro’s soft humming while she coloured, laid out across the floor on her belly.

Misaki was writing things down as she came up with them, and yet she found herself distracted. She looked around, not unlike Kokoro when she was bored of a conversation.

In the corner of Kokoro’s room was a hat rack decorated in hats that didn’t belong to her. A zip-up that came from Misaki’s closet, laid out on the back of a desk chair. There was another one in a pile of laundry on the floor, one she hadn’t seen in months.

On her bed was the one she wore when she sent Misaki a selfie. It was laid out nicely on her bed made to be fresh by the maids that wandered around cleaning up after her. While Misaki was here, they were not allowed to clean up after Kokoro, and instead she was made to do it herself by Misaki. It was the kind of power she’d come to hold in the Tsurumaki residence. 

There was a new kind of trust there, to let her treat Kokoro like a normal person and make her do things she wouldn’t normally do. Perhaps the suits saw the value in holding her accountable instead of just doing anything and everything she wanted.

And so, when she walked out the door to grab a snack from the kitchen and instead found herself pulled aside by a tall woman in a dark suit with cool glasses on, it was of little surprise.

They stood in the hallway just around the corner from Kokoro’s room. Hardly a formal discussion; it wasn’t unusual for her suited friends to consult her from time to time.

“You’ve noticed Kokoro-sama has been struggling lately. We’ve been observing her,” the woman told Misaki.

“Struggling with what?” Misaki asked, because all she found abnormal was her difficulty falling asleep the other night.

The woman regarded her cooly. “That was something we ourselves did not know. We do everything we can for her, but it seems there are some things we are not capable of.”

“Well,” Misaki crossed her arms, “you can’t expect to fix everything for her. I’m sure you already know that, if you’re talking to me right now.”

She nodded. “Kokoro-sama is very attached to you, and we think we’re slowly coming to understand why that is.”

“Funny, I’ve been wondering about that lately as well. What do you think?”

“Kokoro-sama is missing something. She has for a long time, but until now the effect hasn’t been so drastic. Her parents are not here very often, you see,” the woman went on. “We take care of her, but there are certain things we cannot adequately provide.”

By ‘we’, she was talking about all of the suited women collectively. Misaki knew they’d been around for Kokoro’s entire life, but hadn’t ever really considered the implications of their presence.

Misaki hummed. “So, she’s lonely.”

The woman nodded again. “A particular kind of loneliness. One that craves far more than the companionship of friends.”

“And you think I can help?”

“You already do. We can see now that you are irreplaceable, and it’s that stability that we think she needs.”

Misaki considered her words carefully. To her, it sounded as though the suits hadn’t entirely deciphered Kokoro, not the way she could. They couldn’t see everything. It made sense now, as she recalled the physical gestures that had become normal between them, what Kokoro didn’t know she was missing. Did she actually not know? Or was it too much for her to admit what was wrong? She couldn’t smile everything away.

Misaki would fix it, like she always did. Someone had to keep the wild child on the right track.

Forgetting about her snack, she returned to Kokoro’s room with a new mission. she would take it upon herself simply because it was the right thing to do. Kokoro had helped her so much already. It was the least she could do.

That said, she wasn’t sure where to begin. How could she give Kokoro a lifetime of affection in one night? It wasn’t possible. They needed time, lots of it.

Kokoro was still on the floor, not having noticed she’d gone and come back to begin with. Misaki watched her, her long golden hair pooling around her while she kicked her feet up in the air. She was an odd combination of childish and beautiful. Not childish like a misbehaving kid, but more like a happy girl with hardly a care in the world.

Misaki knew it was more like she wouldn’t let herself acknowledge the things she didn’t want to care about. She also knew that Kokoro felt emotions when they were together. Not just happiness, but worry and anger as well. They had fights sometimes. It was healthy for her.

For the rest of the evening, she let her mind wander, and pondered what her next move was. She had an inkling, just a spark in the back of her mind, that suggested she was about to change the way their relationship worked forever. She was irreplaceable, the suits had told her. Nobody could do this but her.

\---

Misaki observed from her cozy spot on the bed as Kokoro brushed her teeth on the other side of the open washroom door. She was dancing as she did it, humming along to a tune Misaki didn’t know.

It felt like an eternity had passed since her run-in with the suit lady, but it had only been a few hours peppered with careful consideration and hanging out like normal teenagers did. Or at least, what Misaki thought normal teenagers did… she wasn’t really sure anymore. They talked about friends and school and watched TV. It sounded normal to her.

All the while she was thinking about what it was that Kokoro needed, and now as she sat there watching Kokoro wipe toothpaste off the front of her shirt, it occurred to her that she should also consider what she herself needed. That wasn’t something she thought about often.She always gave priority to others because it was just the way she worked now. They were close, closer than ever before. That would change tonight, probably because she was about to toe a line that she didn’t even have a name for. Was it even a line? Kokoro didn’t do lines, so it was probably more like a vague, strange blob of feelings that all mixed together. She would unmix them, then.

Her fingers toyed with the soft bed sheets beneath her, familiar enough that when she was at home in her own bed, she was noticeably less comfortable. Her nerves were creeping in, attempting to get the best of her, even though she knew she had nothing to worry about when it came to Kokoro and doing embarrassing things. She looked around, away from Kokoro, and spotted an easier way in than she’d anticipated. There on Kokoro’s bedside table was a book, open and face-down. It was a lengthy fairy tale novel, right up Kokoro’s alley. 

Misaki shook her head, reining in her wandering threads of thought. Kokoro emerged from the washroom in a big shirt and some shorts, a style she’d stolen from Misaki without actually stealing her clothes. Little miracles.

“You’re reading this?” Misaki asked her, nodding at the book, before realizing how stupid she sounded.

“Yep!” Kokoro nodded back, “it’s one of my favourites. Have you read it?”

“No.”

Misaki pulled back the covers, silently telling Kokoro it was time to go to bed. Kokoro flicked the bathroom light off, leaving only the soft glow of the lamp beside the bed. That was Misaki’s side, so she had all the power and Kokoro couldn’t turn it on at absurd times. 

Kokoro grinned and climbed in, flopping on her back and hitting her pillow hard. Misaki rolled her eyes, smiling all the same. 

“I’m happy you’re here,” Kokoro told her, “now it’s you who smells like you and you’re right beside me.”

Misaki, a bit hunched over where she sat, brushed off the strange comment with practiced ease. “I’m me that smells like me,” she agreed. 

Kokoro lay there, clearly waiting for her to turn the light off. When she didn’t move, Kokoro stared at her with bright eyes. Always with those eyes.

“Do you want me to read to you?” Misaki asked her as her eyes flicked back to the cover of the book. Kokoro loved reading, after all.

Misaki had half expected her to launch out of bed and clap or jump up and down or something, but instead Kokoro didn’t do much of anything besides continue to lie there beside her, still regarding her with big eyes. 

“That would be nice. I’m ready when you are!”

She didn’t move at all, and Misaki made the moment even more awkward by not moving, since she wasn’t sure what to do when Kokoro also didn’t move. She’d expected… well, she’d expected Kokoro to… come closer. Or to sit up. Something so that Misaki wouldn’t have to tell her what she was envisioning when she came up with the idea to read to her in the first place.

What was it that she pictured in her head? Something closer. She had to tell Kokoro it was okay to be closer. 

She reached out to grab the book and scooted back until her pillow was sandwiched between her back and the headboard.

“Come here,” she instructed Kokoro, gesturing to the spot beside her.

The blankets fell away as Kokoro smiled, sitting up and crawling over on all fours. She came to sit next to Misaki, as if they were just sitting together in class. Their shoulders touched briefly. That wasn’t what Misaki had in mind either. She sighed to herself, unsure why this was so hard.

“Are you going to read it?” Kokoro asked her, looking at the book in Misaki’s hand and not Misaki herself.

“Do you get what I’m trying to do?”

“Hm?”

Kokoro eyed her, gripping the sheets beneath them.

Misaki had hoped Kokoro would catch on somehow, like she would tune into her brain waves and there would be a minimal amount of talking necessary on Misaki’s part, so she could avoid saying anything she didn’t mean to. 

“I’m trying to help you,” she went on. “I don’t really know what I’m doing, is what I’m trying to say.”

Kokoro remained passive and unmoving, still staring. Misaki channeled her patience and ignored how tired she was feeling.

“I’m thinking,” Kokoro said to her. “But I think I don’t know what to do either.”

“Ah.”

They sat quietly for a little longer. 

Misaki fiddled with the pages of the book. “Well, if you need me…”

She wasn’t really sure where she was going with that one. Something sparkled then though, in Kokoro’s eyes. Like she’d just realized something, the corners of her lips turning up, then back down. Indecisiveness was getting the better of both of them tonight.

“If you need me,” Misaki continued, “then you should do what feels right. There’s still time to catch up.”

_ To catch up on love, _ Misaki rephrased it to herself.  _ You need it. _

“It’s okay?”

Misaki pressed her lips together tightly and nodded, not entirely aware of what she was agreeing to. Kokoro did have a line though, and she was asking if she could cross it in her own inefficient way. It would be a lot easier if they could just talk normally, but when did they ever do that?

Misaki reached out with her free arm the moment Kokoro moved to her knees. She opened her arms, and Kokoro crawled over her leg, so she could sit in front of Misaki for a moment. She paused for a second, and then reached out, hands finding Misaki’s shoulders and pulling herself closer. Misaki let herself sink down as Kokoro got comfortable, lying across her and tucking her head in close enough that Misaki could feel soft breaths against her neck. 

Misaki reached down, curling over Kokoro for a moment so she could grab a hold of the thick blankets and pull them up over the both of them. When she settled, and felt Kokoro’s arms wrap around her, she knew the message had gotten through. She held Kokoro tightly with one arm, reaching around her so she could hold the book with both hands.

She didn’t say anything, and instead picked up reading where Kokoro had left off. The weight across her chest felt comfortable, soft, and she could feel something changing in the way Kokoro gripped the shoulder of her shirt. Her hold became tighter, almost… needy. 

Like she never wanted to let go. Misaki knew then why her things were going missing, and why small reminders of herself meant so much to Kokoro. She was security. An anchor.

Something stable in Kokoro’s life that she could rely on, depend on. 

Misaki read late into the night.

\---

In the morning, the sun glared harshly through the open curtains that neither of them remembered to close. Her first thought was to get up and do that.

Her second thought, and her third, maybe even her fourth, were about the girl she was tangled up in the blankets with. Kokoro’s limbs were… somewhere. All over the place. Wrapped around Misaki, but also half-way to typical Kokoro style starfish mode. It was weird. It was warm.

It was better than waking up curled in a ball in the corner of the bed while Kokoro took up the rest of it.

She blinked sleep from her eyes as best she could and brought Kokoro’s face into focus, her soft features glowing in the morning sunlight. Her cheeks were pink, and her breathing quiet, still wrapped up in her dreams. Golden hair splayed out all around them, tangled and weaved with dull brown. 

She was so close. Their noses were almost touching and everything. Misaki kind of wanted to… do something very embarrassing. Heat rose in her cheeks.

Instead, she just lay there, watching. She had intended to use the weekend to catch up on sleep. So she settled back in, sinking into warm blankets and soft pillows, pulling Kokoro closer.

She would be right there when Kokoro awoke, where she was needed.


End file.
